OK, I couldn't resist...

There's a pretty good chance that this will just amuse Steve and Adam, but that's worth something in my book. You might remember in college that the Star Wars Gangsta Rap started as an audio file, and then someone found it on the internet with the addition of some pretty lame animation. Well, now the animation is much better. Wait for the Storm Troopers raising the roof toward the end. It's worth it.

On this day in history...

In 1960 the Ohio Art Company took Arthur Granjean's invention--which consisted of a couple knobs, some aluminium, and a plastic screen--and turned it into the Etch-A-Sketch. Suffice it to say that the guy that drew this puts the sad little doodles of my childhood to shame.

I'm Speechless... in a good way

It did not give of bird or bush

So I have what probably qualifies as a mandatory update announcement:

I just got an email from the editor of the Wallace Stevens Journal, and they are publishing my article on Stevens, memorialization and the World Trade Center. It's not the largest journal, but publication counts as a major career milestone in the humanities, so I thought I should share it with you guys. The earliest it would be out will be Spring 2008, but I could (today, if I wanted) start putting it down as a "forthcoming" publication on my CV.

And I am still up 2-0 against Andy in the frolf books. That particular poison wasn't a banned substance until AFTER the match; it was totally legal at the time.

Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act III.

The following day, what event captured the attention of this rabble?

Media Beckett.

Why was the group drawn to this particular event?

A girl. Of course.

And what illustrious literary figure was in attendance?

Paul Muldoon.

For what reason did said poet attend?

Unknown.

Did any conversation take place between him and our heroes?

Mr. Muldoon enjoined Andy to wake him if he should fall asleep, as the room was dim.

Andy’s reply?

Affirmative.

Were other visages visible, more or less famous than the august Irish poet?

Portraitures of former Texas governors, among them our current emporer, GWB.

What was the reaction of those assembled to this portrait?

Variously: consternation, amusement, horror.

At the close of the panel, did the girl whose presence had drawn them together continue to occupy Andy, Coye and TEFKAMS throughout the evening?

Indeed.

What allusions were made regarding the woman desired?

Andy: Ahab chasing his white whale.

What machinations did Coye engineer for the purpose of securing precious moments with the girl?

Cell phone messages left on the bat bridge.

Parking space sought endlessly.

Birthday bash crashed to no avail.

More cell phone messages.

More searching for parking.

For what reason did he meditate on schemes so difficult of realisation?

It was one or his axioms that similar meditations or the automatic relation to himself of a narrative concerning himself or tranquil recollection of the past when practised habitually before retiring for the night alleviated fatigue and produced as a result sound repose and renovated vitality.

Alone, what did Coye feel?

The cold of interstellar space, thousands of degrees below freezing point or the absolute zero of Fahrenheit, Centigrade or Réaumur: the incipient intimations of proximate dawn.

And then, what did Coye hear?

The double reverberation of retreating feet on the heavenborn earth, the double vibration of a cell phone harp in the resonant lane.

What was his response?

Joy. Elation. Terror.

Was Ahab able to find the object of his obsession?

Yes.

Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act II.

Upon waking, what did TEFKAMS do?

Woke Andy, who finished editing paper and saved several redundant copies for eventual transfer from digital to material storage.

And Coye?

Also awoke. Consulted bus schedule. Orchestrated transportation to campus. Provided English department printing resources. Entertained the trio with various stories, academic and otherwise.

Were TEFKAMS and Andy able to register for the conference?

No. Andy was the only official conference participant.

What was TEFKAMS reaction upon hearing this news?

Negligible.

Which of the three carried out the duty of presenting research and ideas?

Andy.

Was his performance successful?

Yes. The assembled host neither fell asleep, nor asked questions designed to discredit the answerer.

Were each of the panelists as successful?

No. The second of the series of presenters was asked a simple question, supportive of her argument. She proceeded to admit, little by little, that her ideas about FW sprang from her own (ordinary) family upbringing, and that everyone should have experienced the same sort of childhood. She spoke on and on, digging deeper and deeper into a quagmire of her own making, at one point loudly shouting out: “let me impose my normativity on you!” (Imposing one’s normativity on anyone, as you might guess, is frowned upon in academic circles.)

How did the trio react?

Andy: tried to keep eyes from bulging noticeably. Shook head in dismay, then settled back to enjoy the show.

Coye: doodled with abandon.

TEFKAMS: jumped up on the presenters’ table and performed a jig of extraordinary exuberance and volume.

What lessons did each derive from the experience?

Coye: bring more pens for doodling.

Andy: never read Finnegans Wake.

TEFKAMS: If people already suspect you are a fool (on account of reading FW), be not quick to open your mouth, lest you prove them right.

What transpired after the close of the panel?

Coye left TEFKAMS and Andy to their own devices. The pair attended more conference sessions, partook of lunch.

How did they take leave, one of the other, in separation?

Standing perpendicular at the same door and on different sides of its base, the lines of their valedictory arms, meeting at any point and forming any angle less than the sum of two right angles.

What sound accompanied the union of their tangent, the disunion of their (respectively) centrifugal and centripetal hands?

The sound of the peal of the hour of the day by the chime of the bells in the Austin tower.

And then?

Coye faced Andy for a riotous game of frolf, which included fording a stream, freeclimbing a rock wall, and dodging the discs of impaired players.

Who won this battle of wits and skill?

Andy.

Was it not Coye who emerged victorious?

He did, but his nefarious plot was later revealed and his victory annulled by the 611 College Town Frolf Gaming Board Rules Committee.

By what machinations did Coye unduly intervene in the fair play of the match?

Laced Andy’s disc with a poisonous pigment that steadily weakened this clearly-superior player even as it dyed his hands an unnatural hue.

Was this scheme efficacious?

It was. Andy’s commanding lead was suddenly sundered as the carcinogen was absorbed.

What took place after this disputed contest?

The two prepared for two-stepping at the broken spur.

Where was TEFKAMS?

The narrator has chosen to redact his activities of that afternoon.

What play of forces, inducing inertia, rendered departure undesirable for Andy?

The lateness of the hour, rendering procrastinatory: the obscurity of the night, rendering invisible: the uncertainty of thoroughfares, rendering perilous: the necessity for repose, obviating movement: the proximity of an occupied bed, obviating research.

What reason did Andy give for declining Coye’s offer of dancing with Joyceans?

That he was a danceaphobe, hating partial contact by immersion or total by submersion into the metaphorical streams of gyrating humanity. Also that he was quite tired.

Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act I.

By what means did TEFKAMS find himself embracing urban life in the nation’s tenth healthiest city on Bloomsday?

Commercial hyperterrestrial conveyance by way of Detroit, Boston, Detroit, Bloomington, Indianpolis, Dallas, Austin.

What action did TEFKAMS make on his arrival at his destination?

Saluted his host. Proceeded to the golden city, wherein was housed the earthly belongings of the same.

What discrete succession of images did Coye meanwhile perceive?

TEFKAMS struggle with Andy for dominance. Andy’s defeat. Disturbing release of psychological effluvia.

What supererogatory marks of special hospitality did the host show his guest?

Relinquishing his symposiarchal right to the living room couch presented to him by his only parents. He substituted the old white wicker chair from his dorm room days at Wheaton. A dollar here or there. Removing his iron from the neither reaches of his closet.

Was the guest conscious of and did he acknowledge these marks of hospitality?

His attention was directed to them by his host jocosely and he accepted them seriously as they made libations at the house of spiders.

What two temperaments did they individually represent?

The Bacchanalian. The Apollonian.

From which (if any) of these mental or physical disorders was the host not totally immune?

From hypnotic suggestion: once, waking, he had not recognized his sleeping apartment: more than once, waking, he had been for an indefinite time incapable of moving or uttering sounds.

After partaking of liquid refreshment, what action was undertaken by the pair?

Boarded Coye’s Mustang for an aggressive return to his domicile.

What did each do at the door of egress?

Coye unlocked the door. TEFKAMS turned on the light.

For what creature was the door of egress a door of ingress?

For a spider and sundry microbes.

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S RIDDLE (for Dave)

ARE YOU IN THE TOP 2% OF INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? SOLVE THE RIDDLE AND FIND OUT.

There are no tricks, just pure logic, so good luck and don't give up.

1. In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours.
2. In each house lives a person of different nationality
3. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

THE QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

HINTS

1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.

ALBERT EINSTEIN WROTE THIS RIDDLE EARLY DURING THE 20th CENTURY. HE SAID THAT 98% OF THE WORLD POPULATION WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE IT.

Traber 611 World Frolf Championship Circuit

I had the pleasure of hosting Andy and TEFKAMS in Austin last week (Andy, at least, came for the North American James Joyce conference... I'm not really sure what TEFKAMS was doing here). I think that either one of them could vouch for the comfortableness of my couch and the timeliness of my airport chauffering, in case anyone else might be contemplaing a trip down to bat city for a conference or music festival. The bats, unfortunately, were not as punctual. In fact, they absolutely refused to come out from under the Congress Avenue bridge on Friday night (all 2.5 million of them having a good laugh at all the humans standing around on the bridge for nothing), so we got to stand around with a bunch of strangers and think of all the things we could drop on the boats floating beneath us-- a good time, yes, but not what we set out for that evening. Fortunately, the Blues Allstars are always on top of their game, and we got to hear a very nice set from them at the Continental Club. Good times were had by all.

Now, for the title piece: I once again came out victorious over Andy in our multi-city disc golf competition (known to lovers of silly words as frolf). Andy played a remarkable thirteen holes and led the entire game up to hole fourteen, at which point he self-destructed and I was able-- with some rather skillful tosses-- to recover from the sizable gap created by my erratic play and win with a respectable five stroke lead. That makes the series record Coye 2, Andy 0. He claims that I poisoned his frisbee with a toxic yellow dye that only took effect on the back nine, but such claims are ludicrous, libellous and should be referred to the governing body of the 611 College Town Frolf Gaming Board Rules Committee. If anything poisoned Andy, it was his unprecedented proximity to so much Finnegan's Wake during Friday morning and afternoon. We saw firsthand how the Wake can cause spontaneous self-destruction (an unfortunate question and answer session, to say the least).

The tasty burritos enjoyed by all, the two-stepping skipped out on by Andy, the coffee drank, the women chased, the parking spaces sought endlessly-- all of this must, unfortunately, be left out of the current post (I still have several pages of French grammar to read through tonight), but, needless to say, it was all great. Nous avions un bon temp.

Adieu, mes amis.

Continuing From Andy's Book Idea...

I figured since Andy's book post is so far down the page, no one would see any comments I left there, so I'm continuing the discussion anew here.

I say we all try to wrap our minds around Einstein's Special and General Theories of Relativity. So I propose we read a book he wrote, called "Relativity: The Special and General Theory". An excerpt from the intro:

"The present book is intended, as far as possible, to give an exact insight into the theory of Relativity to those readers who, from a general scientific and philosophical point of view, are interested in the theory, but who are not conversant with the mathematical apparatus of theoretical physics. The work presumes a standard of education corresponding to that of a university matriculation examination, and, despite the shortness of the book, a fair amount of patience and force of will on the part of the reader."

You can get it as MS Word format, MP3 files, or Podcast. Or go to your local library.
(btw, www.librivox.org has REALLY taken off. Their catalogue of audio books is really growing fast now. George MacDonald, Father Brown mysteries, Robin Hood,...great if you have an ipod)

I finally got a new room key

It appears someone changed the lock on my door here at 611. I had to go to ... (oh crap I'm trying to continue the analogy between Wheaton and Blogger, but I've forgotten the name of the division at Wheaton that takes care of stuff like making keys and mowing lawns. Was it Physical Services? I forgot! Well after all, it has been 4 years!) ...I had to go to Physical Services, and it took forever for them even to recognize that I was waiting there. But now I have my key, and am back in business.

(in other words, when we switched to new blogger, i wasn't able to get an account for a long time, but now I'm all good).

Facebook

So I took Dusty's advice and started looking for friends on Facebook. Up 'til now, Facebook has been a voyeuristic entity for me--a way for me to keep tabs on my students and find out if they were saying anything about me or my class. (Apparently I am not interesting enough to warant a Facebook group... at least not yet.) Fun, but I didn't really get the point.

But I took the plunge, and started asking people to be my friend. And Dusty's right--there are a lot of long lost people out there. The greatest find, so far, has been Rudy. That's right, Rudy is alive, and he became my Facebook friend. Not bad.

That is all.

DD

DD...you had better share the news with us....

BTW T6, if you do not have a facebook yet, you really should get one. You are definitely missing out on the huge gathering of many people we know, including long lost people from 2E / 1S.

Dave Update

For the one or two of you still reading this, here's a little update on the expanding jonesian world here in South Hamilton, MA.

mayTen: Isaac David Jones was pulled by the headSholdersAndTorso into this world by Eva, a midwife at Beverly Hospital ten minutes before two o'clock. We got to hold him too; and take him home with us. Ha! Crazy. Since then it's been the kind of go-go-go you feel when you're in the passenger seat of the car, and you're already ten minutes late to a meeting you don't want to screw up. So it's been hard to sit down and write because writing usually calls out for some sort of settledness vis. one's subject. Yet here, even in theory I don't have the mental capacity to settle down around any subject, much less around the subject who just woke up screaming since Andrew is crying because he doesn't want to go to bed because his grandparents and his aunt are here with their computers, their projects, their conversations and their help. No longer mayTen, I know, but how did I get here? Crazy. But beautiful; Isaac is startlingly beautiful because he is here, and because he is my son, and because his head is so incredibly small and well defined that he looks like he is a shrunken 900-year-old man who glowers around the room with his strange expressions.

mayFourteen-mayEighteen: Even though she knows I am an new father, my boss scheduled me to open the coffee shop every day this week. That is, to get up at five-fifty AM after a night of waking up between sleeping. It's bearable for two reasons. First, I know I won't die on the job: I've already passed through the gauntlet of the worst-possible-scenario-actually-happening (i.e. there by myself, ten customer-deep waiting line of impatient stares, wrap order, frappe order, "oh, can you make that two wraps?" and then the register runs out of paper without warning (rendering it useless until the paper is changed)) and didn't die. Two, because I know I won't be working there past the summer. In fact, I have managed to secure a web-development contract (retainer based) with my brother-in-law's branding company in Cambridge, MA. So it's bearable.

mayFifteen- the house my Grandmother gave sold. This is good news because it means I am no longer in debt; though it won't pay off all of next year because the house is in Eureka, Kansas, and who wants to live in Eureka, Kansas? Exactly. So we didn't get very much, but what we got helps.

maySixteen- As I mentioned, I was able to get initial agreement toward a contract with Soldier Design, a branding company in Harvard Square. I am now cramming my head with as much knowledge of PHP and MySQL as possible so that I can begin building database-driven websites. I've gotten pretty good at Flash since I began contract-to-contract work (mainly writing actionscript in flash) and I've done a number of sites and components for Soldier Design with this. The contract will give me a fifteen-hour-per-week retainer so I can quit my other jobs and focus on web development as my sole source of income (which is very very nice).

OK, we're going to watch dream girls now. Maybe I'll add more in the comments soon, depending if anyone signals that they actually read this!

finis

Today I finished the requirements for the Master of Arts degree at the Univeristy of Texas at Austin. I guess it requires some stamping and filing before its officially official, but I'm pretty much a master of the univers(ity). I can feel the power flowing through my veins. Andy, why didn't you tell me about the power. It's incredible. It's intoxicating. I feel... just capital.

I also started looking for a different place to live. All this power can't fit in an apartment anymore, so I'm trying to find a house to rent. I'll need a roommate or two to pull it off, but I'm sure that with all this power I should be able to persuade someone to pick up part of my rent.

I shot a roll of film this afternoon, so I might have some cool Austin pics to post in the near future. We need some more pictures up that aren't of me in a skirt. In the meantime, I'm out, Reno style!

breaking and entering

So someone broke into my car today. I have a case number and everything. The cops took fingerprints. Which I find hilarious. I don't know what they thought they were going to steal. They didn't even take my Altoids. Or the sweatshirt in the back seat. I think they might have been after my ice scraper. But I fooled them. I always keep it in the trunk.

I turned in the master's report yesterday, which is splendid. Sort of had my heart broken the day before, which isn't. No worries. A few days, a few more pages written, and I can seek the heavenly bliss of oblivion. Consciousness. Burden. uhg

Summer Book?

So here's an idea: since we seem to be struggling to find topics that capture our collective attention, and given the fact that academic semesters are drawing to a close in the next couple of weeks, is anyone interested in selecting a book of general interest (theology, ethics, politics, etc.) that we can read together and discuss this summer? We could agree to read a couple of chapers a week (or whatever seems feasible), and post responses, questions, observations--all that good stuff. Even if only a few of us do it, it might be a nice way to transition us from a current events/anything that strikes our fancy format (which seems to be struggling) to one that is more organized and content- and discussion-rich. Clearly, I'm in. Any other takers? If so, what books do you suggest?

Chairman

I thought I'd let everyone know that my former roommate, the Chairman, will be living in Los Angeles and attending UCLA this coming fall. It looks like a very good gig for him since his brother is already living in So Cal and they can share an appartment, etc, etc. We should really try to get him to post his own updates now that he isn't in the PRC. I'll work on it.

Goodbye

Hi friends, the time has come for me to spend a semester off of the floor. My attempts to start a doctoral program this fall did not pan out, and I will be starting a job search as soon as I can find some free time. I am removing myself from the online community soon since it might hamper my job search. I thought I might not have to take this step, but the most recent prior post made my decision an easy one.

To everyone, I wish you the best. Given what I know of a few dating relationships, I am hopeful to be reunited with some of you in 2008 for a wedding or two or three. Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this blog. I have a lot of good memories - the P, WC, and MK cards; Logey's house on fire; our mission for Greenspan; naming Dave's child (good final choice); the personal updates; I could go on. Please pray for my job search. Keep centered on Christ.

Grace and peace, Strauss

My contact info is available through the college's alumni website except the email address is yahoo or verizon.net, not juno. I will likely continue reading the blog.

fishing

this should get a response