Bush pledges vigilance in war on rain

In a statement made from the White House rose garden earlier today, President George W. Bush promised that he and his administration would exercise the full authority of the executive to defend the cause of liberty against the rising flood waters that have terrorized the east coast over the past two weeks. "The American people need to understand," said the President beneath a large umbrella bearing the seal of his office, "that whether these showers are coming from off-shore weather systems or home-grown thunderstorms, we will do whatever it takes to protect Americans from the threat of radical precipitation."

Asked whether or not he plans to use military action against this meteorological threat, Bush replied that, "All options are still on the table."

Denying rumors that federal agents have been checking the rain gauges of private citizens, he added that a recent New York Times expose on doplar radar could "only help out the bad low pressure systems." This as the administration, still reeling from last year's hurricane disasters on the gulf coast, tries to downplay what is seen as a long string of intelligence failures by NOAA and the Naitonal Weather Service.

The cloud cover began to break near the end of the press conference and the sun was momentarily visible from the soggy White House lawn, a development that Bush described as "a major turning point in the war on water."

More rain is expected through the end of the week.