Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act III.

The following day, what event captured the attention of this rabble?

Media Beckett.

Why was the group drawn to this particular event?

A girl. Of course.

And what illustrious literary figure was in attendance?

Paul Muldoon.

For what reason did said poet attend?

Unknown.

Did any conversation take place between him and our heroes?

Mr. Muldoon enjoined Andy to wake him if he should fall asleep, as the room was dim.

Andy’s reply?

Affirmative.

Were other visages visible, more or less famous than the august Irish poet?

Portraitures of former Texas governors, among them our current emporer, GWB.

What was the reaction of those assembled to this portrait?

Variously: consternation, amusement, horror.

At the close of the panel, did the girl whose presence had drawn them together continue to occupy Andy, Coye and TEFKAMS throughout the evening?

Indeed.

What allusions were made regarding the woman desired?

Andy: Ahab chasing his white whale.

What machinations did Coye engineer for the purpose of securing precious moments with the girl?

Cell phone messages left on the bat bridge.

Parking space sought endlessly.

Birthday bash crashed to no avail.

More cell phone messages.

More searching for parking.

For what reason did he meditate on schemes so difficult of realisation?

It was one or his axioms that similar meditations or the automatic relation to himself of a narrative concerning himself or tranquil recollection of the past when practised habitually before retiring for the night alleviated fatigue and produced as a result sound repose and renovated vitality.

Alone, what did Coye feel?

The cold of interstellar space, thousands of degrees below freezing point or the absolute zero of Fahrenheit, Centigrade or Réaumur: the incipient intimations of proximate dawn.

And then, what did Coye hear?

The double reverberation of retreating feet on the heavenborn earth, the double vibration of a cell phone harp in the resonant lane.

What was his response?

Joy. Elation. Terror.

Was Ahab able to find the object of his obsession?

Yes.

Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act II.

Upon waking, what did TEFKAMS do?

Woke Andy, who finished editing paper and saved several redundant copies for eventual transfer from digital to material storage.

And Coye?

Also awoke. Consulted bus schedule. Orchestrated transportation to campus. Provided English department printing resources. Entertained the trio with various stories, academic and otherwise.

Were TEFKAMS and Andy able to register for the conference?

No. Andy was the only official conference participant.

What was TEFKAMS reaction upon hearing this news?

Negligible.

Which of the three carried out the duty of presenting research and ideas?

Andy.

Was his performance successful?

Yes. The assembled host neither fell asleep, nor asked questions designed to discredit the answerer.

Were each of the panelists as successful?

No. The second of the series of presenters was asked a simple question, supportive of her argument. She proceeded to admit, little by little, that her ideas about FW sprang from her own (ordinary) family upbringing, and that everyone should have experienced the same sort of childhood. She spoke on and on, digging deeper and deeper into a quagmire of her own making, at one point loudly shouting out: “let me impose my normativity on you!” (Imposing one’s normativity on anyone, as you might guess, is frowned upon in academic circles.)

How did the trio react?

Andy: tried to keep eyes from bulging noticeably. Shook head in dismay, then settled back to enjoy the show.

Coye: doodled with abandon.

TEFKAMS: jumped up on the presenters’ table and performed a jig of extraordinary exuberance and volume.

What lessons did each derive from the experience?

Coye: bring more pens for doodling.

Andy: never read Finnegans Wake.

TEFKAMS: If people already suspect you are a fool (on account of reading FW), be not quick to open your mouth, lest you prove them right.

What transpired after the close of the panel?

Coye left TEFKAMS and Andy to their own devices. The pair attended more conference sessions, partook of lunch.

How did they take leave, one of the other, in separation?

Standing perpendicular at the same door and on different sides of its base, the lines of their valedictory arms, meeting at any point and forming any angle less than the sum of two right angles.

What sound accompanied the union of their tangent, the disunion of their (respectively) centrifugal and centripetal hands?

The sound of the peal of the hour of the day by the chime of the bells in the Austin tower.

And then?

Coye faced Andy for a riotous game of frolf, which included fording a stream, freeclimbing a rock wall, and dodging the discs of impaired players.

Who won this battle of wits and skill?

Andy.

Was it not Coye who emerged victorious?

He did, but his nefarious plot was later revealed and his victory annulled by the 611 College Town Frolf Gaming Board Rules Committee.

By what machinations did Coye unduly intervene in the fair play of the match?

Laced Andy’s disc with a poisonous pigment that steadily weakened this clearly-superior player even as it dyed his hands an unnatural hue.

Was this scheme efficacious?

It was. Andy’s commanding lead was suddenly sundered as the carcinogen was absorbed.

What took place after this disputed contest?

The two prepared for two-stepping at the broken spur.

Where was TEFKAMS?

The narrator has chosen to redact his activities of that afternoon.

What play of forces, inducing inertia, rendered departure undesirable for Andy?

The lateness of the hour, rendering procrastinatory: the obscurity of the night, rendering invisible: the uncertainty of thoroughfares, rendering perilous: the necessity for repose, obviating movement: the proximity of an occupied bed, obviating research.

What reason did Andy give for declining Coye’s offer of dancing with Joyceans?

That he was a danceaphobe, hating partial contact by immersion or total by submersion into the metaphorical streams of gyrating humanity. Also that he was quite tired.

Bloomsday in Three Acts. By TEFKAMS. Act I.

By what means did TEFKAMS find himself embracing urban life in the nation’s tenth healthiest city on Bloomsday?

Commercial hyperterrestrial conveyance by way of Detroit, Boston, Detroit, Bloomington, Indianpolis, Dallas, Austin.

What action did TEFKAMS make on his arrival at his destination?

Saluted his host. Proceeded to the golden city, wherein was housed the earthly belongings of the same.

What discrete succession of images did Coye meanwhile perceive?

TEFKAMS struggle with Andy for dominance. Andy’s defeat. Disturbing release of psychological effluvia.

What supererogatory marks of special hospitality did the host show his guest?

Relinquishing his symposiarchal right to the living room couch presented to him by his only parents. He substituted the old white wicker chair from his dorm room days at Wheaton. A dollar here or there. Removing his iron from the neither reaches of his closet.

Was the guest conscious of and did he acknowledge these marks of hospitality?

His attention was directed to them by his host jocosely and he accepted them seriously as they made libations at the house of spiders.

What two temperaments did they individually represent?

The Bacchanalian. The Apollonian.

From which (if any) of these mental or physical disorders was the host not totally immune?

From hypnotic suggestion: once, waking, he had not recognized his sleeping apartment: more than once, waking, he had been for an indefinite time incapable of moving or uttering sounds.

After partaking of liquid refreshment, what action was undertaken by the pair?

Boarded Coye’s Mustang for an aggressive return to his domicile.

What did each do at the door of egress?

Coye unlocked the door. TEFKAMS turned on the light.

For what creature was the door of egress a door of ingress?

For a spider and sundry microbes.

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S RIDDLE (for Dave)

ARE YOU IN THE TOP 2% OF INTELLIGENT PEOPLE IN THE WORLD? SOLVE THE RIDDLE AND FIND OUT.

There are no tricks, just pure logic, so good luck and don't give up.

1. In a street there are five houses, painted five different colours.
2. In each house lives a person of different nationality
3. These five homeowners each drink a different kind of beverage, smoke different brand of cigar and keep a different pet.

THE QUESTION: WHO OWNS THE FISH?

HINTS

1. The Brit lives in a red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The Green house is next to, and on the left of the White house.
5. The owner of the Green house drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Mall rears birds.
7. The owner of the Yellow house smokes Dunhill.
8. The man living in the centre house drinks milk.
9. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
10. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the man who smokes Dunhill.
12. The man who smokes Blue Master drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Prince.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbour who drinks water.

ALBERT EINSTEIN WROTE THIS RIDDLE EARLY DURING THE 20th CENTURY. HE SAID THAT 98% OF THE WORLD POPULATION WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO SOLVE IT.

Traber 611 World Frolf Championship Circuit

I had the pleasure of hosting Andy and TEFKAMS in Austin last week (Andy, at least, came for the North American James Joyce conference... I'm not really sure what TEFKAMS was doing here). I think that either one of them could vouch for the comfortableness of my couch and the timeliness of my airport chauffering, in case anyone else might be contemplaing a trip down to bat city for a conference or music festival. The bats, unfortunately, were not as punctual. In fact, they absolutely refused to come out from under the Congress Avenue bridge on Friday night (all 2.5 million of them having a good laugh at all the humans standing around on the bridge for nothing), so we got to stand around with a bunch of strangers and think of all the things we could drop on the boats floating beneath us-- a good time, yes, but not what we set out for that evening. Fortunately, the Blues Allstars are always on top of their game, and we got to hear a very nice set from them at the Continental Club. Good times were had by all.

Now, for the title piece: I once again came out victorious over Andy in our multi-city disc golf competition (known to lovers of silly words as frolf). Andy played a remarkable thirteen holes and led the entire game up to hole fourteen, at which point he self-destructed and I was able-- with some rather skillful tosses-- to recover from the sizable gap created by my erratic play and win with a respectable five stroke lead. That makes the series record Coye 2, Andy 0. He claims that I poisoned his frisbee with a toxic yellow dye that only took effect on the back nine, but such claims are ludicrous, libellous and should be referred to the governing body of the 611 College Town Frolf Gaming Board Rules Committee. If anything poisoned Andy, it was his unprecedented proximity to so much Finnegan's Wake during Friday morning and afternoon. We saw firsthand how the Wake can cause spontaneous self-destruction (an unfortunate question and answer session, to say the least).

The tasty burritos enjoyed by all, the two-stepping skipped out on by Andy, the coffee drank, the women chased, the parking spaces sought endlessly-- all of this must, unfortunately, be left out of the current post (I still have several pages of French grammar to read through tonight), but, needless to say, it was all great. Nous avions un bon temp.

Adieu, mes amis.

Continuing From Andy's Book Idea...

I figured since Andy's book post is so far down the page, no one would see any comments I left there, so I'm continuing the discussion anew here.

I say we all try to wrap our minds around Einstein's Special and General Theories of Relativity. So I propose we read a book he wrote, called "Relativity: The Special and General Theory". An excerpt from the intro:

"The present book is intended, as far as possible, to give an exact insight into the theory of Relativity to those readers who, from a general scientific and philosophical point of view, are interested in the theory, but who are not conversant with the mathematical apparatus of theoretical physics. The work presumes a standard of education corresponding to that of a university matriculation examination, and, despite the shortness of the book, a fair amount of patience and force of will on the part of the reader."

You can get it as MS Word format, MP3 files, or Podcast. Or go to your local library.
(btw, www.librivox.org has REALLY taken off. Their catalogue of audio books is really growing fast now. George MacDonald, Father Brown mysteries, Robin Hood,...great if you have an ipod)

I finally got a new room key

It appears someone changed the lock on my door here at 611. I had to go to ... (oh crap I'm trying to continue the analogy between Wheaton and Blogger, but I've forgotten the name of the division at Wheaton that takes care of stuff like making keys and mowing lawns. Was it Physical Services? I forgot! Well after all, it has been 4 years!) ...I had to go to Physical Services, and it took forever for them even to recognize that I was waiting there. But now I have my key, and am back in business.

(in other words, when we switched to new blogger, i wasn't able to get an account for a long time, but now I'm all good).

Facebook

So I took Dusty's advice and started looking for friends on Facebook. Up 'til now, Facebook has been a voyeuristic entity for me--a way for me to keep tabs on my students and find out if they were saying anything about me or my class. (Apparently I am not interesting enough to warant a Facebook group... at least not yet.) Fun, but I didn't really get the point.

But I took the plunge, and started asking people to be my friend. And Dusty's right--there are a lot of long lost people out there. The greatest find, so far, has been Rudy. That's right, Rudy is alive, and he became my Facebook friend. Not bad.

That is all.